It's strange how entertaining this was.

(via Miss Cellania)

Here's is the news clip I told you all about yesterday! Again, if you are in the area, come see the show!

We are the people our parents warned us about.
- Jimmy Buffett

Hello everyone! Since I am a shameless self-promoter, I thought I'd let all of my local Texas (Beaumont/Port Arthur/Orange area) readers know that I'll be on Live at 5 on Channel 6 today, singing, dancing and promoting the Port Arthur Little Theater production of Once Upon a Mattress which is opening tomorrow night on the mainstage! I hope to have a video of it tomorrow for anyone else who is interested in seeing it!

If you are local and you would like to see the show, the dates are February 25 - 28, March 4 - 7, March 18 - 21. Thursday, Friday and Saturday shows start at 7:30PM, and Sunday matinees are at 2:30PM. Tickets are $14 for adults, and $12 for seniors and students. Call (409) 727-PALT(7258) for reservations.

CLICK HERE for a map to the Playhouse.

Found this little gadget today. I watched it three times and the only explanation I could com up with is ... MAGIC!!!

I have learned through my extensive research (i.e. reading the comments on a reddit thread) that Ouroborus means a snake eating it's own tail.

(via reddit)

Who is rich? He that is content. Who is that? Nobody.
- Benjamin Franklin

(via I Can Has Cheezburger)

What do you do when you get to the airport and find out that your flight, the last on of the day, has been canceled? You make the most of it!

Of course the game is rigged. Don't let that stop you--if you don't play, you can't win.
- Robert Heinlein

Recently, the wife and I had the opportunity to take a fishing trip down the Wisconsin River. We'd been doing ok- a few here, a few there your basic river fishing morning, until it happened. We noticed a Pinion tree that seemed to have been struck by lightning near its base leaving it half in the water and its trunk on the sandy shore. I noticed at the shore just under the trunk of the tree the fanning tail of what appeared to be a very large Bass. Immediately, I told my wife if you want to catch a big one, cast your lure onto the shore along the tree and slowly pull it into the water and that bass will nab it, be careful you don't want to spook it. So she did. Repeatedly, with no luck.

"Try a different lure," I said. She did over and over-nothing, the Bass was just sitting there.

Now being the expert I am, I said "Let me have a go at it". Over and over I tried-nothing. That fish was driving us both nuts- couldn't get it to bite on anything.

Out of nowhere a midsize Grey Squirrel appeared on the base of the tree trunk, it had noticed a Pinion nut on one of the branches of the tree about two feet above the water. With its hind legs grasping the trunk of the tree, it leaned forward with its front paws to grab the nut, as soon as its front paws touched that nut the biggest bass I have ever seen in my lifetime blew up, jumped completely out of the water and engulfed that squirrel. Comparatively it looked like a full-grown Musky nabbing a May Fly.

We both fell to our seats looking at each other with our jaws on the floor of the boat thinking what the hell was that! We had never seen a bass so large and capable of doing such a deed. My wife and I both agreed that was the most amazing thing we'd ever seen!

Or so we thought. We had been sitting there talking about the enormous size and the astonishing feat of that fish when all of a sudden that same bass came out of the water and placed another Pinion nut on that branch. 

(via Miss Cellania)

Take everything you like seriously, except yourselves.
- Rudyard Kipling

Today, I'm giving you a twofer!!! Two games for the price of one!!

In each game, you have to build a path for the ball to get to the hole.

Isoball

Isoball 2

This is a clip from the Red Green Show which aired on PBS a few years ago. I've never seen it, but this seems like something that would keep my Daddy entertained for hours!

(via The Presurfer)

The best way out is always through.
- Robert Frost

And a card trick!

This is James Galea, a comedian/magician at The 2009 Melbourne International Comedy Festival Gala.

I'm still having trouble with the IQ test.

(via Bits & Pieces)

I have noticed that the people who are late are often so much jollier than the people who have to wait for them.
- E. V. Lucas

(via Bits & Pieces)

This is the third installation of the Factory Balls series. It is just like the other 2, with more challenging puzzles. If you aren't familiar with this series, you can play Factory Balls and Factory Balls 2 also.

Factory Balls 3

Basic research is what I am doing when I don't know what I am doing.
- Wernher von Braun

Happy Fat Tuesday!!!

(via I Can Has Cheezburger)

This is what a REAL computer bug looks like!

(via Reddit)

I suppose that I shall have to die beyond my means.
- Oscar Wilde

I used to wish my cat would talk to me. Now, I'm not so sure.

I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
- Thomas A. Edison

It's that time again... The Winter Olympics are here!!! What better way to celebrate than with your favorite booze?

First, lay in a stock of your favorite beverage.

Then, turn on NBC and observe the following rules:

1. Take one drink every time a NBC announcer invites you to "share a moment with the world."

2. Take one drink every time snowboarding highlights are backed up by rock-and-roll guitar/heavy metal headbanger music.

3. Take one drink every time a female athlete is described as "America's _____ing sweetheart." Take an extra drink if the athlete in question is "American's curling sweetheart."

4. Clap your hands and take one drink every time reference is made to "the revolutionary new clap skate" being used in speed skating.

5. Take one drink every time figure skating commentator Scott Hamilton shouts that a skater "NAILED!!" a jump.

6. Take one drink every time you hear a hockey announcer shout, "He shoots...he scores!" Take two drinks if you're watching women's hockey and you hear, "She shoots...she scores!"

7. Take one drink every time NBC promises to get "up close and personal" with an athlete.

8. Take one drink every time a skater is presented with a bouquet of flowers.

9. Take one drink every time America's quest for its first medal in luge is mentioned. Take an extra drink if America actually happens to win a medal in luge.

10. Take one drink and sigh, "That's good, mon" every time reference is made to the Jamaican bobsled team.

11. Take one drink every time the REAL Olympic theme is heard.

(via Miss Cellania)

This guy needs to stop playing video games before his head explodes.
(NSFW language)

There are lots of ways of being miserable, but there's only one way of being comfortable, and that is to stop running round after happiness. If you make up your mind not to be happy there's no reason why you shouldn't have a fairly good time.
- Edith Wharton

"I like descriptions that tell you exactly what the video is about: this is a song about stores that tell you exactly what they are."

I got a pedicure once at a place called "Fancy Nails"...

Remember Wake the Box? Well, this is just like that, sort of.

Wake the Royalty

Never judge a book by its movie.
- J. W. Eagan

Lasse Gjertsen is not a musician. He is, however, a decent film editor with a good ear for music. He filmed himself playing each note and drumbeat individually, then edited it together into a neat little song. Enjoy!

(via Miss Cellania)

There's a new computer worm out there, and Onion News wants to warn you about it.

(via Laughing Squid)

If you don't know what to do, call the media and at least give the appearance of doing something.
- David Peterson

I feel like this video really needs no introduction, but I'm going to give you one anyway. Ladies and gentlemen, Beaker!!!

Now you all should know by now that I love stop motion videos. Well, I found one that, I think, may be the most original I've seen in a while. This is what happens when you give 2 guys 200+ t-shirts and a video camera.

By the way, that catchy music was done by MysteryGuitarMan, who I've featured here before.

(via Neatorama)

An alcoholic is someone you don't like who drinks as much as you do.
- Dylan Thomas

(via Reddit)

Day One

* Breakfast: One scrambled egg, one piece of toast with grape jelly. Eat 2 bites of egg, using your fingers; dump the rest on the floor. Take 1 bite of toast, then smear the jelly over your face and clothes.
* Lunch: Four crayons (any color), a handful of potato chips, and a glass of milk (3 sips only, then spill the rest).
* Dinner: A dry stick, two pennies and a nickel, 4 sips of flat Pepsi.
* Bedtime snack: Throw a piece of toast on the kitchen floor.

Day Two

* Breakfast: Pick up stale toast from kitchen floor and eat it. Drink half bottle of vanilla extract or one vial of vegetable dye.
* Lunch: Half tube of "Pulsating Pink" lipstick and a handful of Purina Dog Chow (any flavor).One ice cube, if desired.
* Afternoon snack: Lick an all-day sucker until sticky, take outside, drop in dirt. Retrieve and continue slurping until it is clean again. Then bring inside and drop on rug.
* Dinner: A rock or an uncooked bean, which should be thrust up your left nostril. Pour Grape Kool-Aid over mashed potatoes; eat with spoon.

Day Three

* Breakfast: Two pancakes with plenty of syrup, eat one with fingers, rub in hair. Glass of milk; drink half, stuff other pancake in glass. After breakfast, pick up yesterdays sucker from rug, lick off fuzz, put it on the cushion of best chair.
* Lunch: Three matches, peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Spit several bites onto the floor. Pour glass of milk on table and slurp up
* Dinner: Dish of ice cream, handful of potato chips, some red punch. Try to laugh some punch through your nose, if possible.

Final Day

* Breakfast: A quarter tube of toothpaste (any flavor), bit of soap, an olive. Pour a glass of milk over bowl of cornflakes, add half a cup of sugar. Once cereal is soggy, drink milk and feed cereal to dog.
* Lunch: Eat bread crumbs off kitchen floor and dining room carpet. Find that sucker and finish eating it.
* Dinner: A glass of spaghetti and chocolate milk. Leave meatball on plate. Stick of mascara for dessert.

Start over with day one.

(via Miss Cellania)

These are the most awesome old dudes EVER!!! I hope they stick around for a while and keep dancing!!!

(via Bits & Pieces)

Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.
- Phyllis Diller

There is some NSFW language, but what else do you expect from Cyanide & Happiness?

(via Probably Bad News)

I have the worlds largest seashell collection. You may have seen it, I keep it spread out on beaches all over the world.
- Steven Wright

These are no ordinary coffee mugs. When cold, all you see is an empty Pac Man (or Space Invaders) game board. Add hot coffee (or tea, or w/e) and the coffee mug comes to life, filling the game board with ghosts and aliens! I want one!!!

Heat Changing Arcade Mugs

(via Random Good Stuff)

I need a bigger backyard!!!

(via Reddit)

I passionately hate the idea of being with it, I think an artist has always to be out of step with his time.
- Orson Welles

Enjoy some Bill Murray.

(via Miss Cellania)

What if Lord of the Rings was written by someone other than J. R. R. Tolkien? Would it still be as good?

Dr. Seuss

"Gandalf, Gandalf! Take the ring!
I am too small to carry this thing!"

"I can not, will not hold the One.
You have a slim chance, but I have none.
I will not take it on a boat,
I will not take it across a moat.
I cannot take it under Moria,
that's one thing I can't do for ya.
I would not bring it into Mordor,
I would not make it to the border."

Read more »

A true friend is the greatest of all blessings, and that which we take the least care of all to acquire.
- Francois de La Rochefoucauld

(via I Can Has Cheezburger)

Have you ever wondered where the scrolling text disappears to in the opening sequence of Star Wars? Here's one idea...

(via Reddit)

A guy is stranded on a desert island all alone for ten years.

One day he sees a speck on the horizon. He thinks to himself, "It's not a ship." The speck gets a little closer and he thinks, "It's not a boat." The speck gets even closer and he thinks, "It's not a raft."

Then, out of the surf comes this gorgeous blonde woman wearing a wet suit and scuba gear.

She comes up to the guy and she says, "How long has it been since you've had a cigarette?"

"Ten years!", he says.

She reaches over, unzips this waterproof pocket on her left sleeve and pulls out a pack of fresh cigarettes. He takes one, lights it, takes a long drag and says, "Man, oh man! Is that good!"

Then she asked, "How long has it been since you've had a drink of whiskey?"

He replies, "Ten years!"

She reaches over, unzips her waterproof pocket on the right, pulls out a flask and gives it to him. He takes a long swig and says, "Wow! That's fantastic!"

Then she starts unzipping this long zipper that runs down the front of her wet suit and she says to him, "And how long has it been since you've had some REAL fun?"

And the man replies, "My God! Don't tell me you've got a computer in there?"

If a little dreaming is dangerous, the cure for it is not to dream less but to dream more, to dream all the time.
- Marcel Proust